Hi ^_^ I am your host, Margaux Underwood, a student in ABA Psychology, with dreams of eventually obtaining a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy with an AASECT Certification in Sex Therapy. But, I’m also a big, fat, existential-mess of human; A practitioner of BDSM; An entrepreneur; A writer; An artist. I identify closest to the Non-Binary umbrella and embrace all gender labels, or non-conforming for that matter. I experience the full spectrum of human emotions. I f*ck up and I excel in different areas of my development. But, at the end of the day, I’m humble (and a bit grandiose), I’m honest, I’m vulnerable, and I’m eager to learn more–about myself and about the world around me.
I’ve been exploring my sexuality for 3 years. Of course, I lost my virginity way earlier than 3 years ago, but, I was merely exploring my sex-life, rather than my sexuality. I chose to explore my sexuality through the BDSM lifestyle and experienced great insights about my psyche in doing so. I, just like countless others, developed an anxious attachment-style in my younger years and only recently discovered the meaning behind this. I have a blog post outlining the different types of attachment styles and behaviors associated with each, and in understanding this about myself, I’ve been able to approach relationships with more awareness and a stronger ability to communicate my needs and past experiences. BDSM gave me an outlet to explore the areas of my life where I felt lost. For example, I tend to attract intimate partners into my life who display attributes closely related to that of sociopathy. I’m not saying that everyone I’ve dated is a sociopath, hell, I can admit that even I have sociopath tendencies at times, but the point is, in knowing this about myself, BDSM gave me the opportunity to explore this type of edgey behavior in a controlled environment. I asked to be treated in such a way; I gave myself the power to say “This is what I like, and I want you do to it to me”; I took control of my shortcomings and approached them from a much healthier point of view.
From there, I’ve found a sense of pride in being imperfect and using my imperfections to make myself better, not just in the bedroom, but professionally, personally, and academically. I’ve utilized communication skills from BDSM and applied them to my public speaking skills, to my negotiation skills, to my business skills, my creativity skills, organization, and so much more. My sexuality is not just one facet of me, but I’ve taken it and used it as a catalyst to inspire my professional, personal, and academic self as well. This isn’t the way everyone should do it, though. I am just utterly amazed at the power of my sexuality and the complexity of it that I saw it to be useful in a plethora of ways.
This website, my blog posts, and my podcast episodes are a way for me to cultivate my knowledge and expand my internal databases and perceptions of the world. I’m not one to get offended easily, and I welcome constructive criticism with enthusiasm. That’s not to say that I wasn’t a bit nervous putting myself out there to begin with, but I did it, and I will continue to do so until I have drained the well of all its water.
I can’t thank all my listeners and readers, friends and family, enemies, mentors, lovers and abusers, enough, for all that you have inspired in me, and the incredible support, or lack of, that you continually show towards me.